The Hating Game : “Hi Haters!”

There are a few things that are considered necessary in order to live a comfortable life in the 21st century. We all need a cell phone, cable TV, a computer and…

Haters.

Yes, Haters.

Now before you get upset and close the tab, because you think I’ve wasted your time; consider how many times you’ve read or heard “Hi Haters!” or “Good Morning Bad mind, how are you doing today?” Yes, it would appear that “haters” have become essential to a comfortable life. They are now indispensable accessories, without which your life lacks meaning and worth.

If no one is hating on you, you’ve been doing something very wrong. So, what causes “haters? From whence do they come? And how do we gain them?

I have two theories.

Serious Theory:

(1) Be Nuff.

There is nothing a hater dislikes more than a nuff person. They’ll flock you like moths to a flame. What does it mean to be nuff? Glad you asked!

–» WORD : Nuff.

–» PART OF SPEECH : Adjective

–» MEANING : To excel in an area of academia, or social life, or earn several awards and accolades.

–» USE : I cyaan tek dah gyal deh, she nuff nuh rass.

It usually helps if you think you’re smart and you hold a position of leadership. Also, be opinionated. Have an opinion on everything; that really gets them heated. I mean, how dare you offer an opinion when they have nothing of worth to say?! I’ve been branded nuff so many times, I should know. Conversely, I could very well be the hater and so I know that a hater hates nuff people. Mhm. I’ll have to do some introspection.

Theory for Laughs :

(2) Think That You Have Haters.

Yeah. This helps. Since more than half of you who think that you have haters, don’t. Chances are, no one cares you exist so you’re going to have to create haters and convince yourself that you’re worth hating. So yeah, tell your haters good morning and good night. Offer cures for haterism. All that nice stuff, do it. You’ll create awesome haters.

Seriously though, jokes aside:

While I think some people really dislike people for no reason and can be considered “haters”, I don’t believe half of us who profess we have haters actually do. I think we often create haters to feel like we actually matter. I mean, has anyone every told you they “hated” you? Or badminded you? I doubt it. We usually just assume people badmind us, and this assumption is usually informed by our belief that we’re somehow important or have something worth being badminded over. (Side Note : Is badminded even a word?) I doubt you’re that important though.

I’m probably going to be branded as a hater for saying that. Oh well.

That brings me to my next point.

Lately, the fear of being a labelled a hater has caused fear in offering an opinion, especially if the opinion is a critique of something. This goes back to my first suggestion “being opinionated”. It’s almost as if we must agree with everything or else we’re haters. So if I don’t appreciate Beyonce’s new music video, I’m a hater. If I’m not a fan of Usain Bolt, I’m a hater. NO! It simply means I don’t like it. Full stop. End of story.

You wouldn’t believe the flack I’ve taken for writing [Clarks, Benz and Cake Soap : The Kartel Syndrome] and [The Shebardarization of Kartel], people actually think I’m “hating” on Kartel. With due respect to Kartel, I’d only hate on someone worth hating on. That is, someone I’d probably want to be like. Someone who has reached where I want to go. I don’t want to be a dancehall artiste, I don’t want to bleach my skin and as tempting as getting a weave is, I’ll pass on that too. So no, I’m not hating on Kartel. I just had criticisms, that’s all.

Now, before you comment on this post and bash me, consider if you want to be a hater. You’ll be a hater if you dare disagree with me. Dissent is not a trait of non-haters. Only haters voice dissent and disagreement. And I know some of you will still disagree and post your disagreement and to you I have one thing to say :

“Hi Haters!’

P.S. I know I probably made little to no sense in this post but I was bored and my thoughts were jumbled and not well constructed… and BLAH.