The Twitter Laws
Whereas there is a social media platform known as “Twitter”, and whereas there is a significant amount of Jamaicans on said platform; and being that there is the tendency for huge disagreements and arguments to start; and consequently people get their feelings hurt; and whereas there is no standard set for the use of Twitter; be it resolved that we, Jamaicans, so gathered, hereby adopt this blog post as our governing law. Be it further resolved that any breach in the law shall be met with strict teasing and ridicule.
(1) Section One : Twitter Handles & Twitcons.
(A) Thou shall not have a Twitter handle or Twitcon which solicits, invites or otherwise suggests that you want sex, if that is not the case.
(B) Thou shall not have a Twitter handle which defies ordinary logic. That is, all Twitter handles must be a recognised and accepted language.
(C) Thou shall not photoshop or picnik one’s twitcon so as to appear better looking than one really is.
(D) Thou shall not expect to be treated like a person if your followers have never seen a face pic of you.
(E) Thou shall not have an ambiguous handle and twitcon and proceed to engage in flirting or conversations about interactions between both sexes unless it is clearly stated in ur bio or previous tweets what sex one is and what team one plays for.
(2) Section Two : Jokes & Subtweets.
(A) Thou shall not extend the life of a joke beyond 24hours. That is, thou shall not OD.
(B) Thou shall not, unless absolutely necessary, share Twitter jokes with another community (Facebook, BBM, Hi5, MySpace, Tagged).
(C) Thou shall not subtweet someone and ask them to stop subtweeting you.
(D) Thou shall not claim to be a badman/gyal and subtweet. Thou shall grow some balls and mention the person.
(3) Section Three : Sex & DMs.
(A) Thou shall NOT have sex with more than five (5) followers in a given month.
(B) Thou shall not carry penis or vagina feelings. That is, thou shall not unfollow someone because they do not wish to have sex with you.
(C) Thou shall not claim to be a freak for attention.
(D) Thou shall not DM someone and request sex, unless the person has so invited you or given reasonable cause to believe they want the penis or vagina.
(E) Thou shall ask for a BBM PIn, phone number or Email address if one intends to solicit sex.
(F) Thou shall not have sex with a follower unless you have seen at least 5 twitcons of the person.
(4) Section Four : Spelling Errors, Teasing & Trolling.
(A) Thou shall have a basic knowledge of the English Language before signing up for Twitter.
(B) Thou shall be proficient (Grade 1) in General English A, B & Communication Studies before calling anyone ugly, dunce, fat or gay.
(C) Thou shall not tease anyone that they are ugly if you are not absolutely sure you are goodlooking.
(D) Thou shall not troll simply to get attention or followers.
(E) Thou shall not form groups or assemblies for the sole purpose of teasing, unless as punishment for breaching one of these laws.
(F) Thou shall not tease homosexuals or bowaz if one takes it up the butt, sexes the butt or eats vagina or swallows penis.
(5) Section Five : Self Importance & Hype.
(A) Thou shall not consider yourself better than anyone else because you attend parties, have clothes or other material possessions.
(B) Thou shall not boast about material possessions or party tickets obtained illegally, by selling your body or other shameful means.
(C) Thou shall not argue with anyone unless you have in excess of 10,000 tweets and in excess of 100 followers.
(D) Thou shall not collect followers to boost self importance.
(E) Thou shall not argue with anyone if you have less than 500 followers and less than 5000 tweets. Your opinion is invalid.
Amendments : To make amendments, simply comment and add your amendment to one of the five (5) categories.
Ratification : This document shall be considered ratified if at least 100 Jamaican Tweeters sign their Twitter handle in the comments section below.