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“Can I Cum In Your Mouth?” : The Power Struggle Behind a Blowjob


I once heard a young lady remark that she would never kneel before a man and perform oral sex on him. She went on to explain that as a feminist, she felt that her kneeling before him could only serve to reinforce male dominance and patriarchy. Personally, I’ve never had much patience with feminists and their school of thought. I find them to be almost fanatics and extremists, for the most part anyway; and so I ignored her. Let me be clear, I mean no offence to those who identify as feminists – I simply take issue with the ideas the notion of feminism give rise to.

The overt consciousness and awareness of gender issues. It becomes almost paranoia. As I said, having little patience for feminists, I had ignored her. Imagine my surprise when the issue came up again. This time another girl mentioned how offensive she found it when the man held her head and attempted to force his member down her throat. If that wasn’t bad enough, he asked “Can I cum in your mouth?”

From what I gathered, these women feel that to kneel and be dominated in that way amounts to the subjection of women. One of them went as far as to say any woman who subjects herself to it is in effect demeaning herself before a man. They feel it re-enforces the idea that women are the lesser of the two sexes. I reject that and I blame feminism. This is what I mean when I say I find the school of thought tantamount to fanaticism and borderline lunacy. Why should consensual sexual intercourse become a power struggle? It isn’t forced, the woman isn’t being raped. What is so wrong if the man gets a thrill from seeing the woman kneel before him and swallow his member? Is there something inherently wrong with a little rough sex? I’m speaking to the idea of the man holding the woman’s head and face f@%king her. I really see no problem with this if they both consent to it. Sex is had to obtain pleasure (and my christian friends will remind me that it is also to procreate) fortunately or unfortunately, the main purpose in today’s society is pleasure. Right, so the problem I’m having is the idea that the two consenting persons shouldn’t be allowed to decide for themselves what is pleasurable to them.

When I considered the fact that they didn’t like kneeling or being face ‘sexed’, I wondered about the idea of ‘dick slapping’. What would they think about that? In fact, I’ve often asked my female friends about that. Doesn’t it mark your face? Does it leave a print? And how long does that print stay there? Most women I asked made it known that it wasn’t something they liked. The feminists went one step further. They suggested that it amounts to abuse. That’s right, ‘dick slapping’ is abusive. :| Maybe it’s because I’m a man why I don’t see it the way these feminists do, but I really cannot understand how consensual sexual intercourse comes to be considered abusive and as an act of subjection. (Side note : Are there any male feminists? :/) And even if it is, is it the business of these feminists to cast aspirtions on the women who enjoy it and choose to engage in it? I really don’t think it is.

I have the same idea about how people talk about women who choose to engage in pornography. If they choose to and if they enjoy what they’re doing, it shouldn’t be our business. No one should make it more than it is. Getting a blowjob, in whatever position, is simply an element of sex. I’d be interested in hearing what the feminists think of a woman ‘sitting’ in a man’s face. Many women quite enjoy the thrill of getting oral sex in that position. Does that amount to abuse? Is the man being dominated and subjected? Who advocates for the man? Wouldn’t that amount to the same injustice?

In my estimation, the only time sex becomes an act of dominance is when there is the stated intention to dominate and I wouldn’t even stop there, because for some men (and women) dominance is an element of their pleasure. So perhaps I should say when dominance is used in a harmful manner or to intentionally demean or disrespect. That’s the only time I believe the feminists should be up in arms; otherwise let the women kneel. Let them enjoy their dick slapping. And if they want to be choked by a penis, let them be. Gentlemen, how do you see the issue? Do you agree that we’re subjecting the women by having them kneel before us? What says you ladies? Have you ever considered kneeling an act of subjection? Do you feel weaker than the man if you kneel? Do you have any problem with being faced “sexed”? Does dick slapping bother you at all? And if it doesn’t, have you ever been left with a dick mark? And finally, can I cum in your mouth? :D

Fin.

13 responses

  1. Anon

    There are feminists and then there are crazies. The crazies are just like black people who claim they don’t get enough roles on television yet they complain about the roles they do get. I consider myself a feminist but I strive for female equality – not power. I want equal opportunity, not dominance. And when it comes to sex – to each his/her own I suppose. I certainly don’t think that sucking dick is a man’s way of exerting dominance. Even if it is to some men, if it’s your man, why shouldn’t you let him dominate sometimes. I’m certain when he’s returning the favour you are rubbing his head all up in that. I like dominance and I also like being dominated – and if I’m in a relationship I shall let that be and no woman external is going to tell me how I should act in bed and what it should do to my self esteem. That being said – I’m single – so maybe my freedom to act how I feel and let the man dominate contributes to that. Maybe they got it right, LOL

    October 17, 2011 at 6:59 pm

  2. Karen

    Firstly let me say point blank, I take issue with this post. Being a feminist I take offense to the fact that you’ve all but made hasty generalizations about feminism. There are a number of schools within the feminist thought and you’re yet to state any fact re the beliefs of even one of these schools. To say that “…I find the school of thought tantamount to fanaticism and borderline lunacy” is VERY offensive, considering you’re ‘impatient’ with it and obviously didn’t give it the time of day to do research.

    With that said, I personally do not go into people’s bedrooms and dictate to them what they should engage in or not. Bedrooms are private and personal, whatever floats your boat as long as it is consensual works. If a woman kneels to please her partner orally I do not deem this an act of subjection. What I would have a problem with is a woman not demanding the same kind of pleasure from her partner.

    To answer your question, yes there are male feminists.

    October 17, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    • Thank you Karen :) I have started reading on feminism. Perhaps I will devote a post to it’s exploration.

      October 17, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    • I also apologise for having offended you.

      October 17, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    • Karen covers all my objections to this article perfectly! And I happy that you are open to discussion on the issue though.

      January 6, 2012 at 10:18 am

  3. i think the young lady who made the statement that inspired the post is looking to pin her dislike of oral sex on something external. sometimes i think people unnecessarily ascribe higher meaning to things that probably arent related. if a woman likes to give head then by all means she should be free to do so without being made to feel like she is somehow betraying all women.

    i cant comment on the feminism part of things though i do think they are kinda crazy, but at the end of the day, once the parties involved are ok with whats going on then they should be free from judgement. a problem would arise however if one of the parties gets unduly aggressive or does things which make the other either uncomfortable … i cant imagine having anything “forced” down my throat being comfortable so that might be bothersome, but more so because it doesnt feel good not because i feel like im a lesser being.

    October 17, 2011 at 10:35 pm

  4. While blowjobs are up to the woman to perform it, the man must also be respectful when receiving said fellatio. While some may believe that this is demeaning to the female, they must also realize that they always have a choice. Personal
    experience would prompt to side with the female who doesn’t want her head to be held while a member is forced down her
    throat. The act of fellatio in itself is fine but when any kind of force comes into play, so does the disrespect. It’s up to both parties to set ground rules. And if she feels so strongly about falling to her knees, she should bend at the waist instead.

    October 18, 2011 at 1:10 pm

  5. just_some_old_guy_who_is_now_65

    Thousands of years ago,… when I dated I used to get sex, blow-jobs, kneeling, and swallowing, all of that, and on the first date. I was at a college in the south, I was in my mid-20′s, and lot’s of women liked me.

    But I never abused them or wanted to; This idea of dick slapping, well, not with my dick. I was 29 or so and had moved to New England before I chanced to date a woman who didn’t like swallowing. Truth: I had not realized such women existed.

    And kneeling, oh! I used to date two nurses, not concurrently, only serially. Roommates, the first one finished nursing school and left the area (Miami.) She had told her RM all about me and what I liked, (I discovered.) First date, well, you get it… That second nurse, she was about 10-15 years older and for a year, all she did was suck me off, usually every few hours when we were both home. On dates, she used to lay down in the front seat (not only is that dangerous but truckers could see us. Not good.) But at home she’d strip for me and then fellate me. Literally, all the time. I loved it. She swallowed for me hundreds of times, she seemed to be able to tell a lot that even I didn’t know and she’d stay on me, coaxing and helping me to stay hard — sometimes long after I had already shot my load. I suppose she was so good at this because she was a nurse. Also, though it wasn’t me, I suspected her Father or another relative had molested her. She never said that happened but she didn’t want to have vaginal sex very often. She was really gorgeous, she’d kneel in front of me, hold my balls gently and lose track of time, concentrating on my pleasure and nothing else. I was 25-26, I’m pretty sure she was about 12-13 years older, maybe a little more.

    Moving along… My wife had only dated one other person before me, and he only once. But wow!, the things she did to me. No kids, all we had to do was each other.

    The thing is, I would have foregone all that sex, I would have gone without had I known how wonderful the woman who was waiting for me.

    We’ve been married 32+ years now, and, ah, not as much, well you get it… But for real pleasure, for really feeling and loving, nothing compares to getting married and loving your spouse.

    March 6, 2012 at 12:34 am

  6. Nasylum

    What people do consensually behind closed doors is their business. Anyone who attempts to dictate what others do in private, needs to have several seats. Feminists need to understand in their fight for equality that equality isn’t about giving everyone the same treatment but in giving each his due. Why stop at kneeling? Let’s have a problem with giving oral sex at all. I mean, the giver is receiving no pleasure (ie not bn physically stimulated) when this act is taking place. How can it be okay for a man to be receiving all the pleasure while the woman toils? Le gasp. But we forget that men give oral stimulation to women’s genitalia too. -_- And what of same-sex couples? Is all fair because the parts on each partner are identical? Is a woman kneeling before a woman ok or is kneeling just a no-no at all times as women should seek to exhalt their power at all times, even in the bedroom? See? See how ridicous the line of argument sounds? What these so-called feminists are doing is hurting the cause which they claim to be so passionate about. Let’s focus more on liberating women sexually rather than confining them to certain positions in an activity that is supposed to be enjoyed in an uninhibited manner.

    April 21, 2012 at 3:08 pm

  7. Womanist

    As a womanist I must say I have no problem kneeling before my man when engaging in felatio. I will admit that once upon a time I did subscribe to this young ladies school of thought. Then I realized sex is an act between two consenting people (normally). I shouldn’t be doing anything I’m not getting pleasure out of so to hell with that crap. If he gets pleasure from seeing me below him then good for him I could care less.

    May 14, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    • Main Alias

      I guess I’m really out of date. What is a ‘womanist?’ Is it, I thought it might be a man who happens to be pro-women, much like a feminist, just not a Nazi and not with the physical attributes.

      But no. No because the writer is clearly a woman. (And enjoy’s being a lady!, it’s pretty obvious. Congratulations.)

      So, again I ask: What is a ‘womanist?’

      I’ve been writing some things on the subject of men and women.

      I’m going to past a few para’s here, I hope not to offend anybody.

      You know, women are not soft men. They are not simply men with different plumbing, they are not like men at all. Physical differences aside (if anyone can even imagine that!,) women are not like men. Not mentally. They think differently, they want differently, they have different kinds of goals, they seek to obtain their goals differently, they are just so completely different that only a fool (or a very inexperienced person, perhaps a man who hasn’t been around many women,) would ever imagine them to be about the same as a man.

      Oh, and only a man would make this kind of mistake, thinking men and women are similar. A woman?, no, a woman would never make such a foolish mistake.

      Also we have our maker’s word as to one difference, read Genesis 3:16, the second part of the verse. No question about it, God is telling us that women’s pleasure is bound up in pleasing her man.

      On so many life topics, really important, critical issues as well as those all about just hanging out, men and women think completely differently, with almost no agreement. Don’t think so?, here’s something critical, men almost always will choose to fight first when confronted with conflict. With women flight comes first, fighting is by no means near the top of their list.

      And that’s how these things are supposed to work. Unfortunately our society, especially American society has really messed things up. Messed things up to the point that God’s design still works but not terribly well.

      May 17, 2012 at 3:15 pm

  8. Mary Kt

    You’re right. You don’t understand that view because you are men. As a part of the opressor group,it is natural for you not to understand the viewpoint of the opressed. In order to do that, you have to truly listen, be patient and actually try to understand as much as you can. Don’t just wave something a woman says off because you happen to like it or not think of it as a big deal.

    January 2, 2013 at 9:48 am

  9. Allan

    I sucked my friend’s penis while he was sitting on his bed but before doing so (once I got into position between his legs) he asked that I let him ejaculate into my mouth. I was very thrilled he said that because he turned me on so much plus I really liked him a lot answering him “well yes. Isn’t that the normal thing everyone does”?

    January 11, 2014 at 7:07 pm

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