Best News & Current Affairs Blog (2011 & 2012) and Jamaican Blogger of the Year (2011) at The Jamaica Blog Awards.

Phone Sex : “So, What You Wearing?”


Boredom is a rass ting enuh! It has many side effects : sleeping, eating, tweeting and lately I’m thinking phone sex is steadily becoming one of those side effects. By now, we must have all had that conversation. You know the one brought to you by Digicel free nights? The one where you sit on the phone for upwards of 2 hours discussing every possible thing and then slowly but surely the convo drifts into awkward silence, perhaps punctuated by the TV you have on and then out of no where; one of the parties asks “So, what you wearing?”

Make no mistake, the question is a risky one. You might end up with one of two answers, “jeans and t-shirt”, which, if we’re gonna be fair, isn’t really a turn on. Or you may hear “bra and panties”, and the ladies may hear ” just mi boxers”. The next question is everything. The make or break question. Do you :

(a) Say you want to come take it off?

Or

(b) Do you allow the silence and awkwardness that follows to hang?

You decide.

Depending on what happens next, you find yourself having phone sex; moaning like it’s nobody’s business. Furiously stroking or passionately fingering, while being told all manner of freakishly things. Things the person perhaps wouldn’t dream of saying in person. Based on my observation (No. I didn’t listen to someone having sex on the phone), phone sex transforms people. The become extremely vocal and very imaginative. The word most frequently used is “imagine”. “Imagine me doing this to you or imagine me doing that to you”. Then there are some who tell you that “Now I’m doing this to you and now I’m doing that to you”.

For me, I’m mostly silent. I try my best to enjoy the intense moaning from the other side and every now and then I add an “Oooh!” or an “Aaah!”. The moment I ejaculate, I hang up and turn my phone off. 😐 I know, it’s selfish and mean but what am I supposed to say after I cum? Pretend? Keep moaning when nothing is really happening? I think that would be disingenuous of me. I have to hang up. I can’t interrupt mid way to say “Oh, you know, I’ve cum. Let’s stop.” That would be too weird, so I just hang up, turn my phone off and go to sleep. I’d do that in real life anyway. LOL! Kidding 😐 The similarities between phone sex and real sex are stunning. We men do, after all, shut down, roll over and fall asleep? Don’t we? (Well, some of us do anyway.)

Even more worrying is the fact that there are instances when people fake the whole thing, much like most of you ladies faking sex, huh? 😐 Yes, the faking extends to phone sex too gentlemen. She isn’t always fingering herself, she probably rarely is. And to be fair, we men aren’t always stroking anything. Lord knows I rarely am. We’re just being good sports. Then there is the phone sex that is to be had on credit. Against the clock. You don’t have a whole lot of time.

In the middle of it all you’re joined by the one minute lady, sticking her head in to tell you, time’s running out. One friend told me it was at that exact moment he let loose. Apparently the Digicel lady’s voice was all he needed to send him over the edge. Needless to say, I found that hilarious. The girl was left hanging. Still, since some women generally take a while to cum, what would they have us men do once we’ve hit the mark? And what if the signal drops, do we call it a night and go to sleep? Ladies? Some guidance please.

Then there is the text, BBM, MSN phone sex. The one had via your Blackberry. You know, the one where pictures are sent, nasty messages are traded, you have to type with one hand because the other is busy stroking or fingering (which significantly kills the mood by the way. Since you have to wait for her to get three good fingers in or wait for him to get three good strokes down) Yeah, it can take awhile. Especially if you’re not using the blazing 3G network. Can you imagine BBM sex on the other network? Oh dear 😐 All those delays. It would be maddening. “PING!!! Did you get that message? Hello? Ugh!” LOL! Funny stuff really! πŸ™‚ Finally you’d resort to putting up in your status, “My messages aren’t going thru!” *insert litany of curse words at the network responsible here*

Again, phone sex demonstrates the maturity and openness with sexual expression that is coming to dominate Jamaica. We’re all doing what we like and what feels good. Still, I wonder, is phone sex taboo? Is it something we discuss openly? Or is it just discussed in hushed tones? I’m sure most people have experimented with it. We all certainly have sent the dirty messages. Either way, I give two thumbs up to phone sex.

So, what are YOU wearing? πŸ˜‰

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3 responses

  1. That Girl Who You Like *wink*

    I’m wearing a tiny shorts and a tank top lol, well i’ve experience phone sex before and i know too much bout the female not doing anything cause normally i just lay there and listen and pretend and the whole after cum-ing the guy hangs up the phone well he normally says he has to clean up so he’s gonna call back but BBM sex and text sex im yet to try, i wanna hear what’s happening cah bother for a msg to tell him what to do plus the voice normally has me “deading” in the back of ma mind……so next time i have free nights i know what to do with it, maybe have a 3-sum phone sex (Y)

    August 3, 2011 at 4:59 pm

  2. i dont kno what a guy should do if he cums first during phone sex but hanging up just like that …. im gonna say thats a no-no

    but who knows, since women get off better by masturbation, the guy coming first is probably not that big of a deal. i mean, if im touching myself my concern really isnt about anyone else’s pleasure but my own.

    anyhoo … good read as usual πŸ™‚

    August 3, 2011 at 10:01 pm

  3. Bubbling

    Hanging up after you cum is a no no. Especially if you are going to try and contact me again b/c you’re horney. Hell, I’m not on the other end of the phone sexing you up using up my time just for the thrill of hearing you say weird things to me…I want to be aroused and cum too! Nothing is worse than hearing a guy hang up in the middle of hotness leaving you hanging then sending you a text or email to call them to play. Sorry but fuck that! You want to play then play fair. I’m trying to get mine too.

    October 12, 2011 at 10:22 pm

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