Best News & Current Affairs Blog (2011 & 2012) and Jamaican Blogger of the Year (2011) at The Jamaica Blog Awards.

The Relationship, The Ex and Stuff

An “ex” is a very curious thing to have. Personally, I never know what to do with them or how to relate to them. This is puzzling, considering months, or years before, I had shared a life, my body and my “love” with this person. For some of us, that estranged ex was once the centre of our world, some of us may have even forsaken friends and family for that person. Some of us may even have excessively sweet stories to tell. Stories of intrigue and romance. That first smile, first kiss, first time the penis was made to know the vagina (or whatever variation of that meeting you may engage in).

Then there were the sweet text messages, or in this advanced age, the sweet BBM messages. The mandatory “good mornings” and “good nights”. The “I love you’s” that were so annoying, those closest to you wanted to hang themselves rather than listen to both of you go on and on. You may have entertained delusions of grandeur about the future. Moving in together? Having children? Travelling together? Hell, some of us even flirted with matrimony. It was beautiful. Truly beautiful.

And then one day, there was a parting of ways; a bitter, hostile, hateful parting of ways.

How did this happen? How exactly did you come to hate that angel? How did you get to the place where you have to be dealing with the case of the ex? Having considered that, I wondered, should we enter into relationships that we know have an expiration date? I mean, in some cases we know that there is nothing that will sustain the relationship beyond 3 or 6 months, and yet we ignore these signs, simply to rejoice in the euphoria of the here and now. We just latch on to the temporary high. And I’m not necessarily saying there is anything wrong with that, so long as both partners understand that it is nothing but a fling, a mechanism of distraction. There is nothing more pathetic than a disproportionate relationship. You know the kind where one person is hopelessly in love and the other is just bleh? Yeah, that kind.

Often times that is the genesis of the hatred. One person feels used. Having loved, and loved so fiercely, you are told that it isn’t working out and you’re about to become the ex. Rage and a feeling of betrayal, then white hot intense hatred. Why should we hate them though? Shouldn’t we be happy to be released from a union where we aren’t getting the best of the person? What clouds our minds and our rational thoughts that we fight to hold on to these unhealthy relationships? (And please, nobody say “love” :|) Even in that period of anger, some of us beg and plead for another chance, as if we did something wrong. Why? Is it fear of being alone? Fear of life outside of the habit of being with that person? I’m still trying to understand that. I’m not above reproach in this matter, I’ve stupidly begged too. I’ve cried and pleaded too. I’ve put my dignity on the line, just to be taken back. I’ve sent the occasional desperate message. I’ve done it all. I can’t understand why though. I really can’t, but I’ve done it.

Are some relationships bound to end at the point when they do though? Or can our efforts to save them work? I’m just wondering if we really should just give up when cheated on, lied to and all other manner of evils perpetuated during relationships.

Above all though, the worst thing is when the ex affects the present relationship. Of course, by that time we tell ourselves we’ve moved on. Yet we are obsessed with whether the ex is dating again. We see the ex and get giddy and memories come flooding back. Everything that we shouldn’t feel, we do. We create an uncomfortable situation in our present relationship, and the present lover can’t help but wonder if we are truly over the ex. I have no idea why we give the ex that kind of power, I really don’t.

Today is my birthday and I stupidly (and even anxiously) wanted to hear “Happy Birthday’ from the ex. Why? I don’t know.

I’m not sure if I’ve made sense in this post. I just had thoughts I wanted to record. Thanks for reading though 😐


5 responses

  1. Neller

    Awwwwwwwww somebody wanted to hear from an EX today but such is life, *whispers* ntn last forever so enjoy and make the most of any and every relationship 🙂

    July 25, 2011 at 9:36 pm

  2. Ricardo

    Wow, very true stuff here. I think the feeling we cling on to when we break up has something to do with what we have invested. I think sometimes its not that we feel lonely but rather we believe that it is very stupid for all our efforts to go to waste. I am not going to lie, i have broken up with as well as been broken up with, and when I do i sometimes think about what could have been. But the reality is, its much better to move on and try to find that passion with someone else if your partner is only making you and option in their life when you keep them as priority.

    July 26, 2011 at 6:36 am

    • I see your point. After all that work it really is hard to just get up and walk away from it. So we perhaps tell ourselves to keep trying and keep working at it. The problem comes when some of us know we are fighting a losing battle and we still stick around.

      July 26, 2011 at 9:12 pm

  3. Nasylum

    For me, I just wanted to not be the only one with romantic feelings ’cause that truly sucks. I also wanted that person to realize that I ws the best thing to ever happen to them. When he did, I left. The relationship was unhealthy for me but pride, inexperience n cowardice stopped me from leavin at various points. Eventually, I grew up n each o those relationships taught me that any problems u think u’ll have when u leave (feeling lonely or like u failed) are not even close to the the reality and no person/relationship is worth sacrificing ur happiness.
    Now there r those that hang on because they were the ones who messed up n got left n they have regret. All I can say to them is hush n hope they learned their lesson for future relationships. Some things just have to be left in d past.

    July 26, 2011 at 9:19 am

    • I think the ones who hang on cuz they messed up suffer the most. They have to live with the guilt and shame, it’s a terrible burden to bear.

      And I agree, no one is worth sacrificing your happiness for. Courage is perhaps the best way forward. Be brave.

      July 26, 2011 at 9:09 pm

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