Best News & Current Affairs Blog (2011 & 2012) and Jamaican Blogger of the Year (2011) at The Jamaica Blog Awards.

I Am The Perfect Asshole


Disclaimer:

The views expressed in this post are not my own. I do not necessarily endorse statements made or conclusions drawn. However, I believe everyone has the right to have their perspective heard. To this end, I have decided to feature other writers on my blog. This is my first such feature, in what I hope to be a series of features. Enjoy another voice and perspective.

I can never understand women, I swear. Everyday they preach “mi want a good man, mi want a good man” well Amen bitch, but the good man you claim that you want is the same nigga u neglected. Why? Because him too sawf (submissive), you rule him, he’s too perfect, he’s not the relationship type, he does everything you want in a man. Like WTF bitch??? You just said you wanted a perfect man so why you complaining? *tivali ooman voice* the point isssss women are confused and most who think they know what they want, don’t.

They think they know until they are in a relationship with Mr. Asskisser for 2 months when suddenly she runs outta ass space (especially ya’ll skinny bitches with no ass). That’s when she plays heartbreaker and decides she no longer wants to break his dick off in the bedroom, she wants to break his heart (8) you got him suicidal, suicidal when you say its overrr (8) (In that case see @gilly_royal for some rope motherfucker).

Further down the line u notice this guy and he approaches you (we’ll call him Mr. B), so he engages you in conversation which most times appears as such -> rae rae yadda yadaa *gyal u pussy fat woulda throw mi cock ova u back and mek u run like a slave, nice house, big car, six pack abs, smoke weed, dancer  my mistake’drug dealer’ etc” then instantly you fall in love. Like really?? Wtf?? Was cupid’s arrow on steroids or supn??

Anywaaaays ya’ll start dating and everything is perfect at first (and ya’ll say men can’t act, silly you *bbm sarcastic face”). All of a sudden Mr. B transforms into Mr. Asshole. He doesn’t call, doesn’t reply to your texts, the convos aren’t the same, he no longer listens, no longer tells you he loves you, makes the most fucked up excuses ever (baby u know say mi house slippers wet up doh and mi affi a blow pon it fi it dry) <- if u buy this excuse mi have piece a free rope fi u, zeen??

Anyhow, nothing seems to be going right. Your Mr. B is now a complete Ahole and you wish you could just kill his ass, but u canna cross it, y?? Simple, it’s an emotional and psychological effect where you, the one being neglected becomes more vulnerable to him than he is to you(usually happens to people who have a fucking brain and uses it though) . Your mind tells you he doesn’t want you anymore, you’re not feeling loved, you want everything to go back to “normal” but he’s thinking about something else other than yo ass. You are on defense but you leave yourself open to attacks from him because you think there is a need to restrain this motherfucker rather than to let him go and call it a loss. You cry day and night leaking mucus all over your pillow and on your friend who is dumb enough to lend his shoulder. You even begin to believe that this 1 min motherfucker was the best in bed -____-

The truth is ladies no man is perfect, especially those in this era. The ones that are, you don’t want them. So its not a case of love ain’t being real, sometimes you know what you are getting yourselves into but you negate the facts and run with hope (I hope this works out, hope he doesn’t break my heart. Well hope is dead, so bury it and move the fuck on). Treasure yourself, put yourself first, wait for the right moment, you will eventually find the right person. Love is there for all and its not hidden nor is it running away so stop pursuing it, let it find you.

And I remain number 1 asshole @gilly_royal

Written by: @Gilly_Royal.

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4 responses

  1. Neller

    I LOVE THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    June 29, 2011 at 11:43 am

  2. Did a piece on this topic already and yes this speaks on the same wavelength and hits the same high notes. Bitches will be Bitches, Hos will be Hos, Girls will Girl. They dont know what they want and they never will. They just see things as the next best thing…sort of like some men (ladies readin notice i said SOME MEN, not all). Any who, Great Post Kudos (Y)

    June 29, 2011 at 3:31 pm

  3. TheAinzlee

    *follows Gilly* yo nice post…. and actually I’m asshole number 1 trust me!

    June 29, 2011 at 4:30 pm

  4. james graham

    Reads like a transcript from Raga’s show.

    June 29, 2011 at 10:04 pm

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