Best News & Current Affairs Blog (2011 & 2012) and Jamaican Blogger of the Year (2011) at The Jamaica Blog Awards.


Lately I’ve been suffering from a severe case of writer’s block and I find that my inspiration to write is now more often than not informed by Twitter and her trends. This tells me that those of you who think I should take up writing in some professional capacity are wrong. I’m really not that talented; I need to be on a “hottaz” JUTC A/C yellow bus (Yes, I know. I’m a hottaz) or logged in to Twitter for inspiration to flow. Well, generally anyway.

Anyhow, as I read the tweets which my learned followers offered as recipes for killing a relationship, I began wondering if we’re really that shallow or if it is indicative of a “new age” understanding of relationships, where sex and love are intertwined and any separation usually ruins the relationship. That is, can you be in a relationship without sex? And alternately, can you be in a relationship without love? Or do the two complement each other? And if one exists without the other, is the relationship less fulfilling?

So based on the tweets this relationship novice read, I concluded that there are three (3) things that are essential to keeping a relationship alive and out of the grave :

 1. Sex.

2. The Truth. (and surprisingly Lies)

3. Being Faithful.

 Let’s explore these.

 First of all, sex.


I suppose it is generally understood that a part of entering into a relationship is for the intimacy it affords us. We like, and in some cases we lie to ourselves and say we love, someone so much that we want to show it with the ultimate expression. For guys, to insert ourselves into her and become one with her for those 5 – 30 minutes. (Yes gentlemen, not all of us know the joys of being a ‘stulla’.) For the ladies, to open yourself and allow him in, regardless of how painful it might be. Emotionally and physically.

(Side Note – Has anyone ever realised how violent Jamaican sex is? Dagger? Stab Out? Beat Up? Mash Up? Kill It? Buss It Up? What in heaven’s name is this? Afghanistan?!)

Anyhow, if the basic reason for getting into a relationship is “love” and “companionship”, why is sex so integral? Did You Know? You can kill your relationship by not “swallowing”? 😐


 You can also kill your relationship if the penis is too large and you cannot handle it ( study closely ladies)


 A relationship can die from erectile dysfunction (study closely gentlemen)


 You can lose your relationship if you ejaculate prematurely. I know this is a serious issue, and I don’t mean to make fun of it, but yes; you can lose your relationship.


Perhaps most important is the fact that you can kill your relationship by not engaging in oral sex. 😐

These are serious times.

So shocked was Rosa that her head snapped all the way around, exorcist style.


So yes, sex would appear essential to a relationship’s survival. And not merely “standard sex”, oh no. We’re talking innovative and lucrative sex. Tourism type sex. North coast sex. Toe curling, eye rolling sex. It is essential to keeping a relationship alive, or so my followers contend.

In the midst of all that though, there was a voice of reason.

Secondly, Lies.

Now this isn’t surprising, considering the fact that we’ve always been fed a steady diet which tells us that the truth will set us free. We accepted that lying is destructive and is therefore not advised, but what about when the truth is destructive and explosive? Do we still tell the truth even if we may lose our relationship? Or do we lie to “protect” the person? And if we’re lying to protect the person, is there some right in that wrong? Is there some redemption in that condemnation? I think there might be, hard though it is to accept.

Finally, Being Faithful.

You entered the relationship under the pretence of faithfulness. Frankly, that’s the point of making the commitment, so that there is the understanding of exclusivity. You for me and me for you. Yes, that’s what the Good Book says. (For those of you who don’t read the Bible, it doesn’t say that…or at least I don’t think it does :-|) So yes, we must be faithful if we expect the relationship to last. We must honour the “contract” we entered into. You know that I don’t get? Why do we men (or some of us) have “bonifide” girls and yet we feel we MUST have “other girls”? Where does that come from? Is it a cultural expectation? And if yes, why? And ladies, why when you have the “perfect guy”, you still feel it necessary to give the “naani” away” Why? In short, why do we cheat? Why not just leave and be free to have sex with whoever we want? I told you before, there is no shame in random sex. There is just shame in random awkward sex.


We all get into relationships. Some of us are forced, some of us feel we need to because we took her…or his virginity, some of us are forced to be fathers, some of us are forced to be husbands and some of us are simply trapped – whatever the reason we remain in these relationships, we must be careful to avoid the #RelationshipKillers.

That’s All Folks.

***Tweets were used with permission from the authors.


2 responses

  1. mz_KARizma

    Interesting post.These I think were indeed the reoccuring #RelationshipKillers on twitter. Studies have shown that both men & women view sex as one of the most important elements of a relationship & I agree (I mean a hot naah look backaz is essential to any relationship I’ll have).

    Outside of this though I think respect for each other and supporting each other are important for a relationship to survive.

    (Re: that bit on violent sex) I did a paper on sexual violence in the dancehall for one of my courses & it was quite an eye opener (disclaimer: this is not to say that I’m not a fan of rough sex; virginity aside)… you should explore it for a blog post.

    Good post! Kudos!

    June 20, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    • Virginity aside? That implied that it was still yours to set aside. You’re funny Karen. Ha.

      Rough sex? Hmm. That’s an idea, I’ll do some research and see what happens.

      Thanks for your comment honey.

      June 20, 2011 at 4:39 pm

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