Twitter : Sex, Lies and Alter Egos

“@______, DM” : SEX.

“I’m rich and live UPT” : LIES.

“Mi love suck pussy” : Alter Egos.

During my daily early morning sex rant, I began thinking about what we actually use Twitter for, since we rarely tell people what we’re doing every second of the day, and three things came to mind :

Sex, Lies and Alter Egos.

I’d like to talk about it for a moment, just a moment.

Sex:

Unless you’re a virgin, and I’m increasingly doubtful of how many of those still exist (except you Tonian, you’re a peach :)), we’ve all either had sex with, or had a relationship with, one or more of our followers. It starts innocently of course, a casual 🙂 and then a ^.^, then before you know it she’s “looool-ing” far too often, (even when it isn’t funny) and then as sure as night follows day, you’ll see “check yuh DM” – I guarantee it. Sex. Now I’m not saying every request to check DMs is an invitation to sex, obviously it could be to a movie; or out to eat, or to see the backseat of his car, which then leads to the sex. Obviously.

Like any other situation where premature sex is involved, the aftermath is complicated. She either hates him because she thought there would be more than the 15 minutes of grunting growling and foggy windows in the car, (yeah, let’s think about how this premature sex rarely happens in a bed…thought about it? Okay.) As I was saying, she expected more than the fifteen minutes, he didn’t. They have to meet again on the timeline of awkwardness, by which time he’s already getting the 🙂 and ^.^ and “lol” from another girl. She’s so devastated and she demands all her followers unfollow him. Blah blah blah… Drama starts. “Whe oonu a RT dah bwoy deh pan mi TL fah?” Ever seen that? Cocky feelings she a carry. Ignore her. She should have sexed responsibly.

So take some time, get to know your followers before you sleep with them, see at least 5 different twitcons, not just one. Get familiar with the tweets, it is not okay to have sex because of one tweet, it isn’t. Demand that the sex be in a bed, or at the very least somewhere that’s not on the roadside. KNOW THEIR NAMES!! No you silly girl, his name isn’t “Dop3 Boyyy Fr3sshh”! Heh. Moderate the sex, you can’t be going around dashing it out to more than one follower per week. You see how non judgemental I’m being? I’m not telling you not to sex, I’m just suggesting you be responsible. OH, and for all those who get the follow back and have to DM to say “thnxx for the follow back”, we see you and we see right through that. You can say thanks publicly. Tweet and sex responsibly.

Lies:

Now, some of you are already squirming in your seats and getting ready to go on the defensive, “I use Twitter responsibly. It’s a great social media platform” blah blah blah. I can hear you thinking it. Stop. While you can behave all prim and proper on the timeline, we know you’re DMing that guy or girl telling them what you want to do to and with them. Girls claiming to be “virgins” yet you stay up in some guy’s DMs telling him you want to ride his dick. Guys claiming to be model christians yet you stay up in some girl’s DMs telling her how bad you want her pussy on your lips. Yeah, we see you. And the absolute tragedy is that most of you get no reply, and so we have to see “Check yuh DM nuh plz!”, trying to be all casual when you’re thirsty as hell! Pfffft. Stop it! Stop the lies. I for one will respect someone who owns up to their sex and owns up to what they like; as opposed to the one who condemns and turns their nose up on the general timeline yet you become that big ‘ole dutty stinking whoring freak Juleen’s friend so eloquently speaks of, when you get into my DMs. We see you.

Alter Egos:

The reality is we can be anyone we want on Twitter, we can create personalities and hide behind them. The girl who has never looked good in reality is suddenly best friends with photo shop, and then there’s #ThatAwkwardMoment when you see her in public and you’re like, “that’s @_________?”. Awkwaaardddddddd. The guy who has no friends in reality is “cool” and “popular” on Twitter. Miss Hyacinth decent christian grandpickni who has never even seen a vagina in his life is sexing it every day. The 16 year old who has never had his dick, let alone his face, near a vagina, yet he’s eating like he’s at Micky Ds. We see you.

I doubt any other platform defines free speech and expression as well as Twitter does. People say any and everything, and in that sort of environment, we give rise to alter egos. We create bowaz, we create lesbians, we create good looks, we create big dicks, we create tight vaginas and we create awesome personalities. You get the point? Right? Okay.

Now let me be absolutely clear, I AM NOT suggesting I am INNOCENT of these things, not at all. NOR AM I suggesting I’m GULITY – I’m just saying these are things we should look into.

There is no shame in random sex, there’s just shame in random awkward sex. Know the parameters and rules of engagement prior to deciding you’re not wearing any drawz on that date.

Stop lying. Just own up to what you want and who you are.

Alter Egos? Umm, keep those. It makes for interesting followers and timelines.

Here endeth my rant, you’re free to disagree. It is my considered opinion that Twitter is now a platform of sex, lies and alter egos….at least from my vantage point. Wait, does that mean I need new followers?