Best News & Current Affairs Blog (2011 & 2012) and Jamaican Blogger of the Year (2011) at The Jamaica Blog Awards.

Twitter : Sex, Lies and Alter Egos

“@______, DM” : SEX.

“I’m rich and live UPT” : LIES.

“Mi love suck pussy” : Alter Egos.

During my daily early morning sex rant, I began thinking about what we actually use Twitter for, since we rarely tell people what we’re doing every second of the day, and three things came to mind :

Sex, Lies and Alter Egos.

I’d like to talk about it for a moment, just a moment.


Unless you’re a virgin, and I’m increasingly doubtful of how many of those still exist (except you Tonian, you’re a peach :)), we’ve all either had sex with, or had a relationship with, one or more of our followers. It starts innocently of course, a casual 🙂 and then a ^.^, then before you know it she’s “looool-ing” far too often, (even when it isn’t funny) and then as sure as night follows day, you’ll see “check yuh DM” – I guarantee it. Sex. Now I’m not saying every request to check DMs is an invitation to sex, obviously it could be to a movie; or out to eat, or to see the backseat of his car, which then leads to the sex. Obviously.

Like any other situation where premature sex is involved, the aftermath is complicated. She either hates him because she thought there would be more than the 15 minutes of grunting growling and foggy windows in the car, (yeah, let’s think about how this premature sex rarely happens in a bed…thought about it? Okay.) As I was saying, she expected more than the fifteen minutes, he didn’t. They have to meet again on the timeline of awkwardness, by which time he’s already getting the 🙂 and ^.^ and “lol” from another girl. She’s so devastated and she demands all her followers unfollow him. Blah blah blah… Drama starts. “Whe oonu a RT dah bwoy deh pan mi TL fah?” Ever seen that? Cocky feelings she a carry. Ignore her. She should have sexed responsibly.

So take some time, get to know your followers before you sleep with them, see at least 5 different twitcons, not just one. Get familiar with the tweets, it is not okay to have sex because of one tweet, it isn’t. Demand that the sex be in a bed, or at the very least somewhere that’s not on the roadside. KNOW THEIR NAMES!! No you silly girl, his name isn’t “Dop3 Boyyy Fr3sshh”! Heh. Moderate the sex, you can’t be going around dashing it out to more than one follower per week. You see how non judgemental I’m being? I’m not telling you not to sex, I’m just suggesting you be responsible. OH, and for all those who get the follow back and have to DM to say “thnxx for the follow back”, we see you and we see right through that. You can say thanks publicly. Tweet and sex responsibly.


Now, some of you are already squirming in your seats and getting ready to go on the defensive, “I use Twitter responsibly. It’s a great social media platform” blah blah blah. I can hear you thinking it. Stop. While you can behave all prim and proper on the timeline, we know you’re DMing that guy or girl telling them what you want to do to and with them. Girls claiming to be “virgins” yet you stay up in some guy’s DMs telling him you want to ride his dick. Guys claiming to be model christians yet you stay up in some girl’s DMs telling her how bad you want her pussy on your lips. Yeah, we see you. And the absolute tragedy is that most of you get no reply, and so we have to see “Check yuh DM nuh plz!”, trying to be all casual when you’re thirsty as hell! Pfffft. Stop it! Stop the lies. I for one will respect someone who owns up to their sex and owns up to what they like; as opposed to the one who condemns and turns their nose up on the general timeline yet you become that big ‘ole dutty stinking whoring freak Juleen’s friend so eloquently speaks of, when you get into my DMs. We see you.

Alter Egos:

The reality is we can be anyone we want on Twitter, we can create personalities and hide behind them. The girl who has never looked good in reality is suddenly best friends with photo shop, and then there’s #ThatAwkwardMoment when you see her in public and you’re like, “that’s @_________?”. Awkwaaardddddddd. The guy who has no friends in reality is “cool” and “popular” on Twitter. Miss Hyacinth decent christian grandpickni who has never even seen a vagina in his life is sexing it every day. The 16 year old who has never had his dick, let alone his face, near a vagina, yet he’s eating like he’s at Micky Ds. We see you.

I doubt any other platform defines free speech and expression as well as Twitter does. People say any and everything, and in that sort of environment, we give rise to alter egos. We create bowaz, we create lesbians, we create good looks, we create big dicks, we create tight vaginas and we create awesome personalities. You get the point? Right? Okay.

Now let me be absolutely clear, I AM NOT suggesting I am INNOCENT of these things, not at all. NOR AM I suggesting I’m GULITY – I’m just saying these are things we should look into.

There is no shame in random sex, there’s just shame in random awkward sex. Know the parameters and rules of engagement prior to deciding you’re not wearing any drawz on that date.

Stop lying. Just own up to what you want and who you are.

Alter Egos? Umm, keep those. It makes for interesting followers and timelines.

Here endeth my rant, you’re free to disagree. It is my considered opinion that Twitter is now a platform of sex, lies and alter egos….at least from my vantage point. Wait, does that mean I need new followers?


23 responses

  1. Nella

    Me seh if me neva love and rate yuh me woulda buss yuh head but everything in this is soooooooo true #BigUp twitter for making nobodies into somebody and for making cyaliss fuck look like no biggie, a wonder is who a fuck everybody dem follow loooooool *whistles and walk away*

    June 4, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    • KristinaNeil

      LOOOOOL Sas criiise

      June 4, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    • LOL! Thanks for your thoughts Nella! & u’ll definitely have to tell me is who dat. Hahaha.

      June 4, 2011 at 1:32 pm

  2. KristinaNeil

    LOOL “We see you” Loved it 🙂

    June 4, 2011 at 1:24 pm

  3. TinyDivaNas

    Yes, u need new followers. Bagga sxing fa? Mi naa sey unu nufi sex but u young ppl NEED to find other things to do with your minds and boy parts. Sas peez! JA is in turmoil- devote ur energies to that. I beg of u! Oh, n I’m awesome-er in real life. LOL. I kid. TinyDivaNas is a psycho with issues and I just allow her to use my pics on Twitter

    June 4, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    • LOL at “boy parts”. & I’m sure your awesome-er in real life, lol. 🙂

      June 4, 2011 at 1:56 pm

  4. stephistephi

    brilliant!! wish there was somthing on drunk tweets.. i’m way too familiar with those T_T lol.. well done!

    June 4, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    • Hahaha! Thanks a lot! I really appreciate it 🙂

      June 4, 2011 at 1:59 pm

  5. DmoneyRokboyz

    As in : Dawg this get My Co-Sign 100%…We give rise to alter egos,We create bowaz,we create lesbians,we create good looks,we create big dicks,we create tight vaginas and we create awesome personalities = Ye “We See U” lool

    June 4, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    • Awesome!! Thankss man! And let them know “we see youuuu!” Lol! (Y)

      June 4, 2011 at 11:14 pm

  6. @FOXALOT_Will

    I have some of everyone of these on my TL.. i like this post. All i do is keep it 100% though.

    June 4, 2011 at 11:57 pm

  7. Im all for the alter egos 😀 i have my fair share of them. And Here Here For Random Sex >>> @GangstaGent <<< Ladies 😉 oh yeah back to the point…Mr ute you hit the nail on the head wid dis. People fi just say dem ting and done nuh mek sense a hide it cuz one way or anodda it haggo come out and dats is all

    June 5, 2011 at 12:35 am

    • LOL! You need to stop using my blog as a forum to pick up chicks. Thanks for your thoughts as usual 🙂

      June 5, 2011 at 2:52 pm

  8. G

    Tonian must think im after her cookie.. lol smh
    And no she’s not a peach… we see you

    June 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    • Her cookie? Wait, are we talking about Toni’s vagina? :O and if we are, why is it being called my favourite snack? You see what I just did there? No? Okay.

      We see you !!!

      June 5, 2011 at 10:39 pm

  9. Pingback: The Bowaz Phenomenon : The Hype On Twitter « Veritas

  10. drenaskittlez

    LOL. Finally, someone tell it like it is…. Nobody ever tell you that you chat too much yet?! Me love it still!! I can attest to the part where people have alter ego. Witnessed that way too much. Naw talk too much on those DMs enuh! Waaaiii! Me is a mad, crazy follower of yours and that won’t change. Muah !

    November 10, 2011 at 10:48 am

  11. @BallaBbz

    I sat n read this blog three times!!!!!!! Talk about mashing corns n throwing stones!!!!! ‘who has never had his dick, let alone his face, near a vagina, yet he’s eating like he’s at Micky Ds. We see you.’ Had me laughing in tears!!! Sooooooo true!
    I am guilty of the ‘I am a virgin tweets tho :$’
    But I must say excellent job!!!!! This is now ma fav post that u av done!
    Plz keep it up!

    November 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm

  12. Pingback: Twidder : Shit Just Got Real! « Veritas

  13. cyaa believe mi just a pree ur blogs… smh… #sad. YUP SEX, LIES and Alter Egos….. have experienced all a dem… while reading it I cud point out a follower for every situation and likewise myself admittedly for some … hahha. #BigUP..

    December 24, 2011 at 1:57 pm

  14. Thanks bredda bredda! Glad you enjoyed it.

    December 26, 2011 at 5:04 pm

  15. Fuck a blog dawg, cause 1 day we gon’ meet!

    September 2, 2012 at 1:58 am

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