Woes of the Blessed : The Dark Side of A Big Dick

Editor’s Note: The views expressed below are not my own. By popular demand, this guest post comes to us from Roy Livingston (@VaginaCrunchBar). I would like to apologise for the sheer length of it, and I hope you won’t mind the width either; we simply could not cover the subject in smaller prose. Such is the size of the task. Anyhow, read, reflect, comment. Enjoy.

Now, before you get on my manmeat, I mean, the meat of my matter, let me address the first thoughts that come to mind just from reading the title alone. 

• Yes, I will be addressing the obvious concern. Sure, the influx of getting laid is as expected, but not completely. 
• Yes, having a tool of mass destruction (as some refer to it) does wonders for your ego. 
• And yes, there are perks of using your third leg to scratch an itch you can’t reach. 

But that not why I’m here. This isn’t a horn tooting convention. This is not just my tale. This is the story of every guy out there that has ever had it rough, been ostracized (yes, being jeered does happen) or even persecuted for wielding gifts we did not ask for. I’m not here to tell anyone how to live their life, just a few words from a foolish young man.

Before I can even go any further, let me ask. What do you think you know about a big dicked guy? Ladies, if you’re dating a guy you really like and further in, you realize that he’s harboring a runaway midget in his loins, how do you react to this? Does this impact your future relations with said person? When asked, 3 out of 5 women claimed they would be fear-stricken but willing to press on depending on how they feel about the guy. The remainder would end the relationship because of fear of infertility and vaginal scarring. Yet when asked “What would you do if you woke up with a big dick tomorrow?”, it appears that after the initial shock value of the gender switcheroo wore off, most would be elated. They proclaimed the sexual ventures they’d proceed on, assuming their newly found gift would be amazing and as big as their egos would allow.

If a guy was asked what he would do with a bigger dick, most would think it means more sex/girls. Others don’t think much of it. Why? Because we know.

Playing Politics With Jamaica’s Future

Editor’s Note : The views expressed below are not my own. Javed Jaghai returns to Veritas with his take on Jamaica’s current political realities. Read. Reflect. Comment.

Jamaican politicians may be terrible leaders, but they are masters of political strategy. They understand our culture very well. They know how to appease us, they know how to mistreat us (and get away with it), and they know that we are familiar enough with each other to privilege loyalty and character over intellect and effectiveness.

Our past and present politicians must be held responsible for the state of Jamaica today. By the time the stalwarts who have served since my birth die, their obituaries will tell of how long they served and how dedicated they were to public service but will say nothing of how poorly they governed.

Jamaica is a very small island with a correspondingly small population. The interconnected webs of social and familial ties breeds familiarity, which, I believe, violates and degrades traditional means of guaranteeing accountability. We trust our elected representatives and we continue ‘fi gi dem a bly’ even though their record of accomplishment speaks volumes to their incompetency. When they consistently perform less than satisfactorily and especially when they fuck up, we excuse their ineptitude with superficial considerations like their so-called ‘good moral character’ and ‘commitment to the community’.

Time Come Portia, Time Come.

If ever a straw broke a camel’s back, that straw fell this afternoon. The Office of the Prime Minister of Jamaica released what may go down in Commonwealth history as the most unfortunate statement on behalf of a Head of Government; the office of Mrs. Simpson Miller purported to be “concerned” for the safety of the Prime Minister. Fair enough. The worrying aspect of this development is that there is no security threat, in the standard sense, to the Prime Minister. Instead, the OPM released this dubious statement after members of the media sought a response from an ever evasive Simpson Miller. In her now characteristic attempt to dodge the media, and their relentless pursuit of information, the Prime Minister was apparently struck by a microphone. It is regrettable that the PM was struck, but the real issue is why was she running? The real issue is why hasn’t she consented to sit for an interview having taken office 15 months ago?  When one considers the PM’s abject refusal to face the press, it leads to one devastating conclusion. If a leader cannot face the country unscripted, or by some accounts not even scripted, it brings the competence of the leader into serious question. The Prime Minister has now resorted to the lowest possible denominator, hiding. It is shameful and unacceptable. Since taking office, the PM has repeatedly told the nation that “time come”, time come for removing the Queen as Head of State, time come to take appeals to the Caribbean Court of Justice, time come to put country above party etc. I think the Prime Minister must now reflect on her own inability to lead the government, indeed the country; time come to step aside. Time come Portia, time come.

In Defence of Portia : A Supporter Speaks Out

 JA$99.57 to US$1.00. This is the talk of the town in Jamaica, the death of the Jamaican dollar. As the dollar veered dangerously close to the cliff, the Prime Minister of Jamaica, Portia Simpson Miller, has generally remained silent. Taking her 19 member Cabinet with her, the PM has frequently retreated, to find solutions – presenting little results. The country waited for 14 months for an IMF agreement, public sector workers saw their salaries frozen, parliament has failed to act on important pieces of legislation, the national debt continues to hit breathtaking highs, while the standard of living continues to hit devastating lows, crime continues to pose a significant threat, with even the Security Minister allegedly being robbed – just to name a few of our challenges. As Jamaicans grow restless and the calls echo louder for the PM to either resign, take a salary cut, cut the size of the Cabinet or simply practice what she preaches, one young Jamaican, Nick Cobran, has come to the defence of the woman many call “Mama”. He cries foul, dismissing the criticism as unfair and “severely partisan”. He has agreed to share his thoughts with Veritas. Here he is, in defence of Portia.

The True Enemy Of The State

The Prime Minister of Jamaica, Portia Simpson Miller, recently came under fire for implying that the Leader of the Opposition is an enemy of the state. Many felt the PM displayed poor judgement and reckless abandon by likening a creature of the Constitution of Jamaica to a terrorist. In her characteristic arrogance, the PM refused to recant – maintaining that she simply posed a question and the Opposition Leader need only answer. As I reflected on the incident, I couldn’t help but set the comment against the backdrop of the current state of Jamaica – an exchange rate of $JMD95 to $USD1, 14.1% unemployment, a broke Students’ Loan Bureau, the 9th year of public sector wage freezes while the PM maintains a 20 member Cabinet – the second largest in the history of Jamaica (Michael Manley named 23 Ministers in 1976) , a near $3 million salary increase for herself, numerous consultants and advisors to the tune of $100 million, brand spanking new SUVs for her ministers, IMF negotiations in shambles and I could go on and on – I can’t help but ask, who is the true enemy of the state?

“Rowdy Gays Wreak Havok”

Editor’s Note: The views expressed below are not my own. Javed Jaghai makes his debut on Veritas discussing the burden of homophobia on gays and lesbians in spite of their contributions to national development. Read. Reflect. Comment. 

As described in a recent front page Gleaner report (“GAYS WREAK HAVOK”), a small group of maladjusted gay men in New Kingston are now infamous for their lawlessness. “Well-thinking Jamaicans” commenting on the issue are alarmed for “If Jamaica becomes more tolerant of homosexuality, THEY will wreak havok on OUR nation because this is how THEY behave.” This “us” versus “them” dichotomy implies that all gay men are miscreants. Furthermore, it discursively locates ALL gay Jamaicans at the periphery of the boundary of citizenship.

Don’t Blame My Vagina : How “Slut Shaming” Legtimizes Rape

Editor’s Note : The views expressed below are not my own. Karen Lloyd (@Mz_Karizma) makes her debut on Veritas dealing with the issue of rape and the unfortunate perception that sometimes it is the woman’s fault. Read. Comment. Enjoy.

What did my vagina ever do to you? Yes I know my short skirt titillates your senses but that’s no invitation for sex. There is no invitation until and unless I explicitly engage you for those purposes. I am not inviting you for sex when I am skimpily dressed nor when I accept an invitation to your house after a date.

Slut shaming is the act of calling a woman a slut because of how she acts, what she wears and her choice and number of sexual partners. This is socially dangerous as it leads to the legitimization and acceptance of sexual offenses against women. It is much easier to see rape as acceptable when we deem the victim as ‘loose’.

Slut. Whore. Harlot. She called it on herself.

Without The Dancehall Hero

Editor’s Note : The views expressed below are not my own.  This is the fourth installment in the guest posts series. Written by Brandon Allwood (@BrandonAllwood), it discusses the impact, or lack thereof, of Kartel’s absence from the local music scene. Enjoy.

There is hardly a Jamaican who can say they don’t know Vybz Kartel. The one-time protégé of dancehall superstar Bounty Killa, Vybz Kartel dominated the dancehall scene for years with lyrically lethal songs and commentary that barked at the heels of societal attitudes.

Kartel has won immutable praises from music fans who simply cannot resist the urge to litter the skyline with ‘gun fingers’ and lighters or stake their claim on the dance floor whenever his infectious rhymes emanate from speaker boxes. As Kartel navigated the murky waters of dancehall, it soon became clear that the self-proclaimed dancehall hero was in a class of his own.

His hold on the dancehall scene was firm and a seemingly never-ending stream of singles kept flooding the airwaves… not that music lovers complained. Yes, there are those who refused to enjoy songs from his catalogue when they sided with any one of a number of artistes Kartel engaged in musical brawls with—but his screaming fans outnumbered the ‘anti-Kartel’ community by far.

Is The JLP Doomed To Repeat The Past?

After two crushing defeats at the polls, the 69 year old Jamaica Labour Party has found itself at a crossroads.  The party’s newly minted leader, Andrew Holness, has found himself caught between the agenda of the past and a desire to move boldly into the future. The party finds itself divided and fractured, with various segments peddling their personal ambitions – there is even talk of a coup to over throw the top echelons of the party. As all this unfolds, one can’t help but wonder if the party of Sir Alexander Bustamante has once again lost its way and whether it is doomed to repeat the sins of its troubled past. The most heinous of all these sins was the constant attempts to oust Edward Seaga.

JUTC : Your Route To Excellence And No Preaching

The Jamaica Urban Transit Company (JUTC) has taken the decision to ban “lay preaching” on all its buses, according to the company’s Managing Director, Rear Admiral Hardley Lewin. The decision has proven controversial as many christians have condemned the move as an attempt to “secularize the country” while “denying people their right to freedom of religion”. Many have gone so far as to suggest that the JUTC is seeking to prevent “the spread of the gospel”. It appears to me that an assumption has been made on behalf of all JUTC passengers; that assumption being that we all want to hear preaching on buses. Let me be very quick to point out that nothing could be further from the truth.