A Dangerous Affair – Part 4
“Do it right!”, the sound of his mother’s voice cut through the thick darkness; “do you know what they do to people like you!?”. Matthew tried to steady himself as he concentrated his mind on maintaining an erection, the erection he would use on her, on his mother. The sessions had become frequent now, she was determined to cure him. At first it was using random girls or women, but Matthew was just never interested. The last encounter ended badly. The girl had laughed. She mocked him. His mother became convinced she was the one who had to do it, she made a monster, she had to cure him. “That’s it, easy does it. Remember you love Mommy. Now, put it in….”
Matthew jumped from his dream, covered in sweat. The resentment rose in him again. Her cure had failed, failed because she had made him something far more terrible than she feared. On the other hand, he hadn’t touched one in so long, so maybe she was successful. He had joined the priesthood in a desperate appeal to a higher power, he wanted to stop. He wanted to stop both, but the absence of one only gave fuel to the other. He had made up his mind not to steal innocence, as his mother had called it, she had made him feel nasty and perverted, she just didn’t understand the beauty he saw in them.
He got dressed, showered and left his room. As he entered the sanctuary, he saw Brian. Brian was about 12 and had just signed up to be an altar boy. Matthew immediately remembered his encounter with Brian’s aunt in the confessional. They had made love. It was the one time Matthew had felt more than pure carnal lust and violence towards a woman. He had enjoyed it. “Hi Father Matthew!”, Brian’s face lit up as he saw the young priest. Matthew had always been aware of how much Brian looked up to him. He smiled, “Hi Brian, how has the training been?”. Matthew had not heard the child’s response, his eyes were focused on him, and for the first time in a long time, he felt it rise in him. “Brian, we’re going to play a little game.”, he said. “Sure Father!”, the child was so eager, so full of innocence. Matthew reached out and grabbed him. “Ouch! Father, you’re hurting me. Why are you…..?”, he exclaimed. Tears were forming in his eyes. “Ssshhhh,” replied Matthew, “this is what God wants.”
To Be Continued.